Marriage is not about marrying the perfect spouse, but about bliss. While perfection suggests a state of flawlessness, a man or a woman without error in Characters in their life and lifestyle, bliss, on the other hand, is just about happiness and success of the Marriage. As spouses, we are all under a marital vow that could lead our marriages to success, but of course, not without the involvement of our life partners.
In marriage, the couples are expected to place the well-being of their partners ahead of theirs. To know your partner's well fares in this journey is very much important, and this leads to the need for a periodic marital appraisal.
Now, what's an appraisal?
Simply put, an appraisal is the evaluation of capabilities or capacity. It's the act of checking if someone is making some progress, achieving their set goals or backsliding, or has already failed in that particular position they are into. In the context of marriage, it's asking one's spouse to evaluate the marital experience with their partners from inception. This is done in the friendliest of ways outside of fears, unfair judgment, condemnation, criticisms, blackmails, and reprisals.
Here is how to go about marital appraisals in your Marriage;
1) Both husband and wife should sit down in the mood of intimacy.
2) Create an atmosphere of fun while sitting together.
3) Ask the other partner to give you a fair assessment of yourself as a spouse and father or as a mother.
Appraisal As a spouse:
A. Love check
B. Emotional connection check.
C. Attention check.
D. Communication check.
E. Lovemaking check.
F. Conflict or disagreement resolution skills check.
G. Spiritual life and spiritual activities check.
Appraisal As a parent:
A. Love for family members check.
B. Parent and children relationship check.
C. Family provision and care check.
4) Accept your spouse's appraisal of yourself with good faith without thinking negatively about it.
5) Thank your partner for their sincerity over their appraisal for you.
6) Take actions concerning the scorecard you had from your spouse.
A. Apologize to your spouse for the "revealed" weakness to you.
B. Make concerted efforts to improve on areas where you needed to improve.
Some months ago, I asked my wife to appraise me, to tell me how I have been faring as a spouse. Although in her evaluation she praised me in some areas, in the other areas she made me realize about many things I was not getting right and how I was hurting her through my actions and words. I was very surprised at the appraisal. I immediately apologized to her and promised to work on those areas where I have weaknesses. In some areas, I solicited her help because her support is needed for me to improve.
Some days later, I also appraised her. The same scenario happened and she was surprised. I praised her and she also apologized to me in the areas where she is not doing well as a wife and the mother of the family. We started learning to live as couples with fewer troubles and emotional damages to each other.
Many people don't understand that spouses have emotions and that sometimes those emotions could be hurtful by our behaviors, words, and actions intentionally or unintentionally. Marital appraisal between you and your partner will help you to address the lapses and at the same time make commendations.
As a spouse, it's inappropriate, insensitive, uncharitable, and callous to play with the other partner's feelings or take them for granted may be because you are genuinely loved by them.
In this part of the world, because of deficient knowledge about marital Success, the emphasis is only on being married and not how to make it Successful, but being married is not and can not be the same as being happily married. They are two different things entirely, no wonder many of us are just married but not happily married and even regretting why we got married to the person we are married with.
Now I must tell you the "missing puzzle" in many marriages of today:
FRIENDSHIP. Friendship adds FUN, value, closeness, and open-mindedness to the happiness and success of your Marriage. A friendship between the couples can only be achieved when the spouses are so much emotionally bonded to each other. Two spouses can't bond so much when they have not achieved that level of intimacy where they are ONE indivisible body. If oneness is missing in any marriage, many good things that happen in other people's marriages will only be like a mirage. There's no marriage that can not be sweet and happy, it all depends on the two people involved.
Today, I am urging all the married couples in the house to positively rewrite the narratives of their marriages. Stop giving excuses for the failures of your marriages. Sit down with your lover and reinvent yourselves, and by extension your marriage.
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